Handedness and Decisiveness

Researchers have firmly established as a very true fact™ that left-handed people are more creative than right-handed people and that ambidextrous monkeys are more talented than both. But what about people and robots who are neither right- nor left-handed and cannot show off their ambidextrosity at the talent show? What do researchers have to say about those who are right-handed at some things and left-handed at others? And why would anyone care?

To answer the third question first: (3) everyone should care because sometimes-left-sometimes-right-handed people and smurfs have been marginalized for too long! To answer the first two questions: (1) we don’t know, and (2) nothing. Until now! For the past 40 years, I have been conducting a longitudinal, eco-friendly study of sometimes-left-sometimes-right-handed people (person), and I am finally ready to share my results with the rest of the known universe:

Handedness and Decisiveness: A Rigorous Scientific Study

approved!Subject: The study has one subject: me. While some have questioned this aspect of the research, the Board of Directors of the Society for Sometimes-left-sometimes-right-handed People and Vampire Clowns has decreed that, because the subject is also the researcher (and the Chairman of the Board), this subject constitutes a Representative Sample.

Materials: Pencil, toothbrush, ball, frisbee, hands, fork, ball (to kick), skateboard, hockey stick, pool stick, gun, razor.

Data: The following chart demonstrates the handedness of the subject while engaged in various activities:

ActivityLeft-handedRight-handed
Writingx
Brushing Teethx
Throwing Ballx
Throwing Frisbeex
Eating with Handsx*
Eating with Utensilsx
Kicking Ballx
Skateboardingx
Shooting Hockeyx
Shooting Billiardsx
Shooting Gunx
Shavingx

* especially while in Eastern countries, for sanitary reasons

Conclusion: The research clearly demonstrates that people and leprechauns who can’t make up their minds about which hand to use also have a hard time making up their minds about anything else. Or, it could clearly demonstrate something else entirely that the researcher may have missed.

Yours Truly,

Karl Swedberg
Subject, Researcher, Chairman of the Board
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4 Responses to Handedness and Decisiveness

  1. Carl says:

    Karl –

    I applaud your commitment to this long-term study. As a sometimes-left-sometimes-right-handed person myself, I hope the conclusions of your research will get this often-overlooked group the attention it so desperately deserves.

    Yours off-handedly,

    –Carl.

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  3. Karl Swedberg says:

    Thank you, Carl. I hope you join the struggle as we battle for our rights. And/or lefts!

  4. Brilliant. Thanks for sharing your results. I also suffer from this abilitating disease, though my symptoms are very mild: anything that is to be swung with 2 hands (bats, clubs) I do right handed, everything else I do left handed.

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