Researchers have firmly established as a very true fact™ that left-handed people are more creative than right-handed people and that ambidextrous monkeys are more talented than both. But what about people and robots who are neither right- nor left-handed and cannot show off their ambidextrosity at the talent show? What do researchers have to say about those who are right-handed at some things and left-handed at others? And why would anyone care?
To answer the third question first: (3) everyone should care because sometimes-left-sometimes-right-handed people and smurfs have been marginalized for too long! To answer the first two questions: (1) we don’t know, and (2) nothing. Until now! For the past 40 years, I have been conducting a longitudinal, eco-friendly study of sometimes-left-sometimes-right-handed people (person), and I am finally ready to share my results with the rest of the known universe:
Handedness and Decisiveness: A Rigorous Scientific Study
Subject: The study has one subject: me. While some have questioned this aspect of the research, the Board of Directors of the Society for Sometimes-left-sometimes-right-handed People and Vampire Clowns has decreed that, because the subject is also the researcher (and the Chairman of the Board), this subject constitutes a Representative Sample.
Materials: Pencil, toothbrush, ball, frisbee, hands, fork, ball (to kick), skateboard, hockey stick, pool stick, gun, razor.
Data: The following chart demonstrates the handedness of the subject while engaged in various activities:
|Eating with Hands||x*|
|Eating with Utensils||x|
* especially while in Eastern countries, for sanitary reasons
Conclusion: The research clearly demonstrates that people and leprechauns who can’t make up their minds about which hand to use also have a hard time making up their minds about anything else. Or, it could clearly demonstrate something else entirely that the researcher may have missed.